The Beginning

My baby turned two months yesterday and I could not help but think how quickly time flies. It seems only yesterday that she was safely sleeping in my womb. I still remember the day that I felt her movement for the very first time. That was very exciting. As months passed, she made her presence felt through strong kicks and movements and at times I could even feel her heartbeat.

I had to deliver her through C-section because my water bag ruptured 28 days in advance and her head had also not set by then. So, finally we saw our daughter on 21st March, 2012 at 1.47 pm. I still remember my doctor’s words as she held my girl, “It’s a girl and she is fine”. Probably, I’ll never forget those words which were my first connect with my daughter.

Since she was born preterm, she was kept under the neonatal care for a week. She was a puny little girl all of 2.32 kg. She had a few mild infections which were being adhered to and I still remember the celebration which was making rounds in other rooms while our room was very quiet and all of us were anxious to know the welfare the new little member of our family. We had to wait a whole day to see her and I had to wait for two days to breast feed her.

It’s amazing how small babies who have just seen the light of the day into this world latch on and feed. I was really amazed. Almighty’s creations are great. I had read a lot of articles where mothers write about the excitement and thrill they feel when they hold their baby for the first time. I have also seen videos of emotional mothers holding on to their babies. This had created an expectation in my mind about my own experience. To my disappointment, I didn’t feel any such emotion when I held her for the first time. It even lead me to think, whether delivering through C-section was the reason for the same. Probably, the pain endured during natural birth instantly connects a mother to her child. I felt odd disclosing this feeling to anyone, even my husband. I thought that they might think badly of me.….. Like they say, time is the best healer. Most of the time Gowri was kept in the baby care room and was brought to me only for her feeds. As days went by, I started eagerly waiting for her to be brought to me and I enjoyed holding her in my arms. I started looking at her face with excitement to see what features of her’s resembled mine; I enjoyed feeling her soft skin against mine. Slowly it occurred to me that it’s not when I start connecting with my baby that matters, it’s the connect itself that matters…..

As we were discharged from the hospital, we knew for sure that our lives were no longer going to be the same. There was now a little angel who had completely taken control of our lives. As we neared our home, my dreamy eyes were already building images of the future. Life indeed is beautiful!!!! :)